Is God a Monkey?

In the early days of Creation, when God created Heaven and Earth, then light and dark and finally he created man “in His own image” (His words, not mine), we must ask ourselves what model of man did He use?

The theory of evolution, although still just a theory according to a large number of people, states very clearly that man (and woman) has evolved over time. We are very close to finding that crossover humanoid between mankind and monkey-kind. But one thing is certain, in those hoary days when God was a-creating, the model for man was not a pretty picture.

Lucy, and Australopithecus were ugly little warts. They were short, squat, hairy examples of smart little monkeys with an unfair advantage over the competition. They could think, they made tools and they wandered around in small clans surviving as best they could. If you had been a betting man in those days, the odds on them eventually becoming the dominant race we are now would have been incredibly long.

Something along the lines of a billion to one in the long term species handicap.

So it is not in the least way blasphemous to suggest that those happy little hominids were actually created in God’s own image. Their survival is nothing if not miraculous and in the betting world, that’s known as having an unfair advantage or even, may we suggest, having an inside track, or being a ringer.

We have nothing to be ashamed of. Lucy was a plucky little mammal, doing the best she could, secure in the knowledge of something we would invent hundreds of thousands of years later; that she was shaped in God’s own image.

The modern believer now has a serious self-image problem. All three major religions based on the Old Testament, assume that God is either a white Anglo-Saxon bearded “Old Guy”, or a totally unknowable entity with no definite shape or form. Some even postulate that to speculate on His appearance is blasphemy. To state the obvious, God Himself opened the speculation box as to His shape and substance. By saying we were made in His image he clearly tells us that the first hominid was the mold from whence we begat Julia Roberts and Tom Cruise.

The religious person has also, in a typical knee jerk reaction to scientific methodology, vociferously rejected the concept of evolution, and that pretty much fixes God in a permanent hominid position forever. Because we all agree here that evolution accepts the fact that species evolve slowly over time not individual examples within the genus. God, being a sole individual of a long standing genus that includes a mixed bag of Rha, Zeus, Odin and other losers, can not evolve. Nor would the true believer accept that his genus has been evolving over the millennia.

So there you have it, God created man in his image and that image was not pretty. The image itself is unchanging, all powerful and omniscient.

As I said, we are the descendants of some really smart little monkeys; a living tribute to our Creator.

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