Thank God for Evolution.
On reflection, evolution is alive and doing really well up in Heaven. In my last posting I postulated that God might have the physical shape of a monkey. This simple observation was based on His own words as they were transmitted to us through the Old Testament. He states that God made Adam in his own image, and at the time Adam, being a first generation Homo Erectus, could only be more apelike than George Bush.

But with evolution coming into play, we get a modern and improved model in the shape of His son, none other than Jesus Christ. This new and improved model roamed the earth some 2000 years ago spouting amazing platitudes and inanities. But I digress.

To remain focused only on the physical aspects of the new version, as depicted in any number of non-contemporary eyewitness accounts, we can say that JC was tall, bearded, amazingly thin and looked really good in his underwear hanging on a cross. He is also invariably white, and in his last sighting, scarred on wrists, feet and chest. He can also levitate, something he should have done to relieve the stress of just hanging there above the crowd.

As you can see, God 2.0 is a much more acceptable model. This may explain why he was so visible for the 38 years of His life. If you recall, personal appearances by God 1.0 were few and far between. Adam and Eve saw him, and after that His presence was relegated to the odd burning bush, shining lights and various angels bringing telegrams. My personal theory is that He was ashamed of his physical form, so He avoided actual sightings like the plague. I can just imagine the problems Moses would have had if he told his masses, already hell-bent on adoring a golden calf, that the Real Thing was a short, hairy and apelike critter. He would have been laughed off the Mount and his tablets tossed away like junk mail from heaven.

On the other hand, if that had come true, then we probably could have kissed this whole religion thing good bye right then and there! After all, no one wants to show up at the prom with a ten year old, dented and battered, family van, let alone worship an ugly Australopithecus.

Thank God for evolution, it has allowed us some really neat one on ones with the deity, suitably refurbished for public consumption. I can hardly wait for the Second Coming, when His presence will embody all the races of mankind. I can already see Him now, more than likely a whole lot browner, with Asian and Latin overtones and he may even be Gay, which would finally confirm His latent aversion to all things feminine as evidenced by all three major Biblical religions.

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