Thursday, August 31, 2006

Israel V. Lebanon

Touted as one of the more important events in the world-fuck contest, the Israel V. Lebanon rematch ended in a PR draw, a Lebanese moral victory and an Israeli blood "red" card. Hopefully the red card will keep them out of the next few games against Palestine and whoever the Axis of Disgust decides to attack.

I was in a bar the other night watching the game, in direct from the censored Israeli lines and really in direct from Al Jazeera. We had just come off a cathartic review of the endless overtime match in Iraq and started to argue about the IDF V. Hezbollah match. I should have noticed the yamulke, but didn't. His unassailable position was that Israel only had to lose one war, and they would be wiped off the map.

My position was that they really needed to stop killing each other.

In the final analysis we were both right and we were both wrong. There was as much need to invade Lebanon as there was to invade Iraq. Israel like the US was not being threatened. On the other hand he was correct when he said that Hezbollah used the civilian population as a shield all the way to the Syrian border. And destroying the complete infrastructure of the country certainly guarantees the removal of that shield. To be blunt, I am certain that there was a tactical reason for every dead child, every bloody mother and each and every shattered life. Of this I am absolutely sure because to think otherwise would force me, and the rest of the world to think that Israel's time and stewardship of the "holy Land" should be terminated. Maybe the time has come to address the morality of allowing that bloody little country to lose that one war.

Should they lose, the leaders of Israel have cynically put their citizens at the mercy of their victims with their witless invasions, attacks and murders.

The stunning victory that the IDF gained with almost no loss of life to the civilian population of Israel should be a shining example for our own president. After all, Lebanese people do not really count in the broader picture of maintaining a democratic and free Israel. I just cannot understand why the Arab states are unable to comprehend that one Israeli is worth 40 Arab civilians. And thanks to Israel's willingness to pursue the diplomatic path, the two kidnapped soldiers were kept safely away from the combat zone, we hope. Unless they happened to be riding in a UN or Lebanese ambulance, were being evacuated with the women and children or were located in a school, hospital or UN observation post. All of the above clearly marked, and therefore, legitimate targets.

The nice thing about getting loaded in a bar with an Israeli/US citizen is that you will not be interrupted by a pesky Muslim. Something about alcohol does not sit well with Big Mo. On the other hand, the only place where honest citizens can get any sort of peace these days is at a New Orleans Pork Barbecue. But even there we run the risk of meeting up with our glad handing Bush.

Is there nothing that Christian won't eat?

But I digress, and I shouldn't.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

A Wall of Flags

I think that the time has come to put the Iraq War on the map, the American Map. I would like to propose that we install a ten foot mast with a large US flag at half staff every mile from the Pacific to the Atlantic over the most traveled highways of this land.

I propose that this lane of tears be a permanent reminder to all who travel our roads that the stupidity of our leaders, from the President on down, has created a moving and unending legacy that starts in San Jose and would now be visible sixty miles East of Cleveland Ohio. In a few more weeks it will reach Washington DC. Every flag a tribute to a wasted life on a senseless and illegal war.

And if we stay the course, we can have another row of flags coming home from East to West.

Friday, August 11, 2006

I have been Banned from Ann Coulter’s Website!

I am so proud of myself. I recently wanted to raise a little hell on America’s high priestess’ website, better known as Mein Kampf Zwei, and I was advised, in lovely pastel blue script that I had been banned.

Amazing, the foremost authority on fascist legal ideology refuses to allow me in her sandbox. An all I wanted to do was play a little, move some dump trucks around, clean up some of the filth she leaves there on a regular basis. Well, now I’ve been told, and with a vengeance. To think she even wrote a whole book about me and my ilk, “Godless”. Oh yes, and I’m proud of it, liberal and even prouder, pacifist, left wing stinking democratic pond scum.

It’s the ilk that did me in.

Our fellow travelers who refuse to recognize the genius in George, the almost godlike virtue of supporting big business and fat cats, to push everybody else’s kids into a war based on lies, they are the ones who done me wrong. They fingered me to the goddess of law and order, Auschwitz-style, or maybe it was my own finger to her that got me ousted.

So, fellow readers, it’s official now. It’s all over between Ann and I. Even though the heart still flutters and the stomach still heaves whenever I see her on TV or hear her dulcet screech on the radio, it is... ALL OVER.

Be still my heart, it could never have worked anyway. They closed the camps a long time ago, so she had nothing to guard and nowhere to go and so went willingly into the waiting arms of the Republican Party. No place for an intelligent, thinking animal like myself, and even for y’all out there.

Oh, I highly recommend trying to crash her party, www.anncoulter.org. Go to the chat room and see how long YOU last. Then get back to me.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

In Defense of TWAT

You would think that a country as big and strong as ours that there would be no call to ever need to defend the idea of The War Against Terror (TWAT). But there you have it, with elections less than a hundred days away, it seems that we need to mount a spirited defense of this keystone of the Bush policy. So I will sacrifice myself and mount the TWAT bandwagon to ensure that future generations will live in peace, and George's very peculiar concept of freedom and democracy.

To start with we must examine the origins of TWAT. In essence, when the Saudi Arabian terror machine flew two airplanes into the World Trade Center, one into the Pentagon and a fourth into a Pennsylvania farmer's field, TWAT really got excited.

TWAT was on the lips of every red blooded American patriot. WHo can forget the silly buggers with their inane stickers, or George braying about Osama dead or alive. There was something about the TWAT idea that set men off.

Because of TWAT we firmly believed that our institutions had to be protected from all comers. To keep them safe, George immediately took them away from us and has kept them hidden, what a guy! TWAT has wormed its way into all of our activities, thanks to the NSA, we now no longer have to keep records of our phone calls, online searches and even library books, if we miss a call, we just contact our nearest NSA guy and ask for the information. The same will apply to college courses, financial transactions, trips, medicines and even where we made calls from at any time. They are all stored in gigantic computers with TWAT written all over it.

So we can only bless the TWAT and www.moveon.org

Be at peace
Is There No Room for Peaceful Conclaves Any More?

I met a metaphor the other day coming at me with feathered arms,
A peaceful metaphor with a sad look of despair.
My metaphor had lost his place in the world,
There was no place to go.
His nest was destroyed, his wings would no longer carry him.

So I picked up my metaphor, and shared him with friends
And we met in secret conclaves around the world
And my metaphor got bigger and healthier
I think he'll be ready to fly by early November.

A dove by any other name, is still a pigeon to be plucked.

By Peter W. Brown