OFFICE OF THE COMMITTEE TO SEND BUSH TO BAGHDAD
(A licensed subsidiary of the Bush President of Iraq League BPOIL)
1600 Pennsylvania Ave.
Washington DC
Tel: 9/11/01
For Additional Information:
Mr. Karl Rove
Inmate # 47-3367
San Quentin State Facility
San Quentin, CA
GEORGE BUSH TO RUN FOR IRAQI PRESIDENCY
Soon to be Former President Says Baghdad “My Kind of Town”
Washington DC and Baghdad, IQ:- Soon to be former President of the United States, George W. Bush, today announced that he will be running for the soon to be opened position of President of the Republic of Iraq (ROI). Mr. Cheney, recently released from a local hospital after a kneecapping incident gone bad during a hunting incident.
“My family has been pouring personal as well as governmental money into this country for the last twenty years,” said Mr. Bush. “And I believe that it is time to get a legitimate return on our investment. In many ways Iraq is just like Texas, there is oil, religious extremism and a docile population willing to put up with almost any excess from their elected officials. But mostly, it is the poster country for my favorite charity, the NRA.”
With the population of ROI in the throes of a rapidly expanding civil war, the time is ripe for a new strongman to enter and seize control. Mr. Bush can count on the support of his troops, which in the last US election handed him an 87% mandate to stay the course. The coming election will test the new naturalization decree that allows US soldiers and contractors to vote in the coming election as citizens of the ROI.
“A large number of the soldiers and Halliburton executives qualify for Iraqi citizenship because of their length of stay in country,” stated Mr. Karl Rove, Chairman of the Bush Presidency of Iraq League (BPOIL). “Since we control the Iraqi parliament, it is a very minor adjustment to allow these fine new Iraqi citizens to vote for the candidate of their choice.”
Although the dates for the various phases of the election have not been set, rumors that Diebold executives are setting up operations to handle the returns have been proven true. The machines, which guaranteed the Ohio election for Bush three days before November 8, 2004, are being retrofitted with existing software and Arabic script. Diebold, according to the terms of the standard no-bid contract so popular already in Iraq and the Southern states of America, will provide their equipment and software expertise to the ROI election officials.
“This is so much cleaner than our previous elections,” said Achmet Baras, head of the Iraqi Election Board. “Under the old regime we had to go through several months of conflicting bribes, local and national assassinations and clear religious and tribal cleansing. Under the new Bush scheme, you decide up front who will be President, and dial him into the machinery. Since anything below the Presidency is up for grabs, we will conduct a simple auction on Ebay to decide who gets what position.”
Although many leaders in the international community have expressed concern at the way the election is being set up, there was universal agreement best expressed by Mr. Tony Blair; “It is a good thing that George will be taking on the situation in Iraq, It offers a wide scope for him to exercise his own, peculiar set of talents. It will also siphon off all the terrorist he created during his eight years in office and put them back where he always said they were hiding, Iraq.”
Other world leaders, too busy celebrating this amazing announcement, were unable to comment, although the Belgian Minister of Foreign affairs was heard to say: “Dat Bush, wat een kloetzak.” An untranslatable but probably laudatory Flemish expression of admiration.
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(A licensed subsidiary of the Bush President of Iraq League BPOIL)
1600 Pennsylvania Ave.
Washington DC
Tel: 9/11/01
For Additional Information:
Mr. Karl Rove
Inmate # 47-3367
San Quentin State Facility
San Quentin, CA
GEORGE BUSH TO RUN FOR IRAQI PRESIDENCY
Soon to be Former President Says Baghdad “My Kind of Town”
Washington DC and Baghdad, IQ:- Soon to be former President of the United States, George W. Bush, today announced that he will be running for the soon to be opened position of President of the Republic of Iraq (ROI). Mr. Cheney, recently released from a local hospital after a kneecapping incident gone bad during a hunting incident.
“My family has been pouring personal as well as governmental money into this country for the last twenty years,” said Mr. Bush. “And I believe that it is time to get a legitimate return on our investment. In many ways Iraq is just like Texas, there is oil, religious extremism and a docile population willing to put up with almost any excess from their elected officials. But mostly, it is the poster country for my favorite charity, the NRA.”
With the population of ROI in the throes of a rapidly expanding civil war, the time is ripe for a new strongman to enter and seize control. Mr. Bush can count on the support of his troops, which in the last US election handed him an 87% mandate to stay the course. The coming election will test the new naturalization decree that allows US soldiers and contractors to vote in the coming election as citizens of the ROI.
“A large number of the soldiers and Halliburton executives qualify for Iraqi citizenship because of their length of stay in country,” stated Mr. Karl Rove, Chairman of the Bush Presidency of Iraq League (BPOIL). “Since we control the Iraqi parliament, it is a very minor adjustment to allow these fine new Iraqi citizens to vote for the candidate of their choice.”
Although the dates for the various phases of the election have not been set, rumors that Diebold executives are setting up operations to handle the returns have been proven true. The machines, which guaranteed the Ohio election for Bush three days before November 8, 2004, are being retrofitted with existing software and Arabic script. Diebold, according to the terms of the standard no-bid contract so popular already in Iraq and the Southern states of America, will provide their equipment and software expertise to the ROI election officials.
“This is so much cleaner than our previous elections,” said Achmet Baras, head of the Iraqi Election Board. “Under the old regime we had to go through several months of conflicting bribes, local and national assassinations and clear religious and tribal cleansing. Under the new Bush scheme, you decide up front who will be President, and dial him into the machinery. Since anything below the Presidency is up for grabs, we will conduct a simple auction on Ebay to decide who gets what position.”
Although many leaders in the international community have expressed concern at the way the election is being set up, there was universal agreement best expressed by Mr. Tony Blair; “It is a good thing that George will be taking on the situation in Iraq, It offers a wide scope for him to exercise his own, peculiar set of talents. It will also siphon off all the terrorist he created during his eight years in office and put them back where he always said they were hiding, Iraq.”
Other world leaders, too busy celebrating this amazing announcement, were unable to comment, although the Belgian Minister of Foreign affairs was heard to say: “Dat Bush, wat een kloetzak.” An untranslatable but probably laudatory Flemish expression of admiration.
### end###
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