Sunday, March 26, 2006

AFGHANI TO DIE FOR CHRISTIANITY

This is delicious! Our country goes flying in to Afghanistan to liberate the people from the Taliban, those remorseless Muslims who went around whacking people on their shins for disrespect to their God. We not only miss the head bad guy, Osama, but we lose a wide receiver in the process for what?

For our soldiers who died to have the right to watch the judiciary in that country decide to kill a Muslim who wants to be a Christian. There are so many ramifications to this one that the mind just boggles! This is almost more fun than Cheney gunning down his best friend.

To start with, we should realize right now that there is no way we will ever convince the Muslim world that there are actually things that are more important than Big Mo. His name trumps all, the ultimate religious, judicious, scientific, medical trump card. What big Mo says is all we need to know.

Must be nice. It’s as much intolerance as JC and his gang. Think about it, out the window with evolution, stem cell research, the right to dick around, the joy of eating pork, the fun of taking Sunday off. All gone because, between Big Mo and JC, there is no room to maneuver.

Women who want to drive cars, the Saudi Big Mo he says no! The right to terminate an unwanted pregnancy, the US, JC says no- Have that baby even if your own brother raped you to give it to you!

Of course, in the case of the Afghani wanting to convert we have a nose to nose between Big Mo and JC, and all I can say is that Big Mo appears to have blinked.

But what if the poor bastard had really come to his senses and renounced all religion. What if he had dimly perceived that maybe there is no Big Mo, JC or Bud? Would Condi have reared up on her hind legs and told the Mullah to shove it? Methinks not. Would Mr. Karzai, our puppet leader, have gone down on his knees to ask Big Mo for advice on how to get himself out of this mess? Again, probably not.

And finally, think of George, he who speaks to JC and asks and gives Him advice, where would that leave him?

Thursday, March 23, 2006

OFFICE OF THE COMMITTEE TO SEND BUSH TO BAGHDAD
(A licensed subsidiary of the Bush President of Iraq League BPOIL)
1600 Pennsylvania Ave.
Washington DC
Tel: 9/11/01
For Additional Information:
Mr. Karl Rove
Inmate # 47-3367
San Quentin State Facility
San Quentin, CA


GEORGE BUSH TO RUN FOR IRAQI PRESIDENCY

Soon to be Former President Says Baghdad “My Kind of Town”

Washington DC and Baghdad, IQ:- Soon to be former President of the United States, George W. Bush, today announced that he will be running for the soon to be opened position of President of the Republic of Iraq (ROI). Mr. Cheney, recently released from a local hospital after a kneecapping incident gone bad during a hunting incident.

“My family has been pouring personal as well as governmental money into this country for the last twenty years,” said Mr. Bush. “And I believe that it is time to get a legitimate return on our investment. In many ways Iraq is just like Texas, there is oil, religious extremism and a docile population willing to put up with almost any excess from their elected officials. But mostly, it is the poster country for my favorite charity, the NRA.”

With the population of ROI in the throes of a rapidly expanding civil war, the time is ripe for a new strongman to enter and seize control. Mr. Bush can count on the support of his troops, which in the last US election handed him an 87% mandate to stay the course. The coming election will test the new naturalization decree that allows US soldiers and contractors to vote in the coming election as citizens of the ROI.

“A large number of the soldiers and Halliburton executives qualify for Iraqi citizenship because of their length of stay in country,” stated Mr. Karl Rove, Chairman of the Bush Presidency of Iraq League (BPOIL). “Since we control the Iraqi parliament, it is a very minor adjustment to allow these fine new Iraqi citizens to vote for the candidate of their choice.”

Although the dates for the various phases of the election have not been set, rumors that Diebold executives are setting up operations to handle the returns have been proven true. The machines, which guaranteed the Ohio election for Bush three days before November 8, 2004, are being retrofitted with existing software and Arabic script. Diebold, according to the terms of the standard no-bid contract so popular already in Iraq and the Southern states of America, will provide their equipment and software expertise to the ROI election officials.

“This is so much cleaner than our previous elections,” said Achmet Baras, head of the Iraqi Election Board. “Under the old regime we had to go through several months of conflicting bribes, local and national assassinations and clear religious and tribal cleansing. Under the new Bush scheme, you decide up front who will be President, and dial him into the machinery. Since anything below the Presidency is up for grabs, we will conduct a simple auction on Ebay to decide who gets what position.”

Although many leaders in the international community have expressed concern at the way the election is being set up, there was universal agreement best expressed by Mr. Tony Blair; “It is a good thing that George will be taking on the situation in Iraq, It offers a wide scope for him to exercise his own, peculiar set of talents. It will also siphon off all the terrorist he created during his eight years in office and put them back where he always said they were hiding, Iraq.”

Other world leaders, too busy celebrating this amazing announcement, were unable to comment, although the Belgian Minister of Foreign affairs was heard to say: “Dat Bush, wat een kloetzak.” An untranslatable but probably laudatory Flemish expression of admiration.

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